Bismillah dan alhamdulillah...
Minggu ini minggu ketiga bersama bayi-bayi dan kanak-kanak comel, Tapi ada juga kanak-kanak yang sudah "tidak comel". Kenapa? Paediatric dikira sampai lah seseorang itu berumur 18 tahun.
Paling "best" bila seorang kanak-kanak umur 3 tahun memanggil saya "achik". "Macam mak sedara dia, "kata ibu kepada kanak-kanak yang namanya Haiqal.
Sama seperti nama anak saudara juga, Haiqal ( anak saudara yang berumur 3tahun). Tapi perangai mereka berdua macam langit dengan bumi. Pesakit di wad ni bukan sekadar kanak-kanak biasa, tapi banyak juga yang kanak-kanak istimewa. Yang paling saya kagumi adalah ketabahan seorang ibu dalam menjaga anak-anak istimewa mereka. Mungkin di sudut hati mereka kita tidak pasti, tetapi sekurang-kurangnya nilai penghargaan dan kesyukuran mereka tergambar dalam percakapan mereka dan prihatinnya pada anak-anak mereka. Kanak-kanak dalam usia sedemikian sudah belajar erti penderitaan dan keredhaan. Paling menyedihkan sekiranya anda berpeluang melawat bilik ICU. Masing-masing tidak berada pada GLascow Coma Scale 15 dengan pelbagai devices yang disambung pada tubuh-tubuh kecil mereka. Ibu mana yang mampu menahan melihat penderitaan anak mereka?
Ini bukanlah pati utama entri ini. Lebih pada tazkiyattunnafs dalam memahami erti kehidupan di dunia. Untuk diri saya dan anda semua, hidup kita ( di dunia) tidak lama, ibarat singgah sebentar untuk berteduh dari panas. Tapi perjalanan ini terasa begitu lama , kerana kita perlu bercucuk tanam sementara untuk memastikan ada bekalan untuk perjalanan ke destinasi kita seterusnya. Tetapi sepanjang persinggahan ini, banyak yang kita belajar , dari sekecil-kecil perkara sehinggalah sebesar-besar hal yang menuntut kita untuk memahami erti hidup ini.
Ada orang yang dikurniakan Allah dengan kebolehan yang mengagumkan. Dalam konteks dunia pelajar, apa yang dapat saya perhatikan ada yang selalu beroleh kejayaan dalam ujian mereka ( ujian dunia pelajar seperti peperiksaan) . Kadangkala mata kasar manusia akan bertanya sejauh mana usaha dia sehingga Allah memberi kejayaan sedemikian. Banyak professional yang berkongsi resepi dan rahsia kejayaan mereka , rata-rata berpendapat "kembali kepada ALlah" sebagai konsep yang utama dalam mencapai kejayaan. Seteleah berusaha, berserahlah kepada-Nya untuk menentukan pengakhiran itu. Tetapi masalah kita selalu tidak menilai pada hati. Kurang yakin pada ketentuanNya. Dan yang paling penting " Kita HambaNYa, maka kita layak diuji"
Itulah pegangan saya dalam melayari kehidupan ini. Sebagai manusia biasa kita tertakluk pada sunnatullah dan syariatullah dan kita tiada hak untuk mempersoalkan soal takdir dan ketentuan. Agak rumit untuk dibicarakan tetapi apabila kita meletakkan dan menyerahkan segala-galanya pada Allah, inshaAllah penentuan Allah adalah yang terbaik...
Semoga kehidupan kita diiringi dengan rahmatNya sentiasa.
Wednesday, 18 February 2009
Monday, 9 February 2009
Thalassaemia ..the dilemma
Bismillah and Alhamdulillah....
Thalassaemia, something which is not too new for us. Though it was not covered in details during my 1st and 2nd year, at least nothing to worry much because there is another chance for it....a MUST understand topic in your 4th year, including its management aspect from as tiny as doses for iron chelation.
It is not the genetic issue that concerns me most (it is to be worried in fact....) but it is about the ethical aspect behind the prevention technique which will be discussed further ...
Just a little bit freshy and juicy notes on thalassemia...
It stems out from the topic of anaemia, though can be from other branches too, but this is much easier i suppose.
Everyone knows anaemia is due to three major headings : failure to make red cells, increased loss and destruction of red cells.Haemolysis is part of destruction of red cells where it is further divided into immune and non-immune.Then another branches from non - immune which are congenital and acquired.Under congenital part, here goes haemoglobinopathies where thalassamia resides under this heading together with sickle cell.
Thalassaemia is defined as mutation of DNA coded for alpha and beta genes. So if beta thalassemia, there will be absence or reduced production of that (beta) gene....
See the outcomes: from "their" eyes....
Refer for further details in your notes and sites ok....
Something new which i read from my lec's notes is on Preimplantation Genetic Diagnosis ( PGD) that is the climax actually...all those folks' theories may be well reside in your mind already ...Let us know something new!
PGD: it is one of the methods in antenatal diagnosis of any disease ( about 500 diseases) So what is so eager-to- tell about this?
an-in vitro fertilisation when the embryo is about 5 days of age.
"an alternative within prenatal diagnosis services which avoids terminating affected on-going pregnancies"
Mr wiki has some answers: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Preimplantation_genetic_diagnosis
How Islam views this technique and to what extent does Islam allows this? When considering to balance out the evils, we opt for the less evil one...Allah did plan something for it becomes a cause of TEST which will determine our level of Taqwa,and if we change things which is somehow the real thing that Allah wanted it to be, would it be some curiosity behind it? Advancement in medicine and technology lead people to go astray? or this is what Allah wants as He mentioned that whatever given in Quran are for those who have the ability to think and create more. Al- Quran is a guided tool for HIS servant to live the life .
The Fiqh of Medicine: Responses in Islamic Jurisprudence to developments in Medical Sciences; the prevention and termination of pregnacy; page 217;
"if the condition of the foetus is so diseased as to cause unnecessary suffering to the foetus later when it is delivered and during its life, would that be an indication to terminate the pregnancy? . Islamic fiqh dealt with termination of pregnancy before 40 days and up to 120 day. What about the welfare or even the mere survival of other members of the family which was considered and accomodated by Muslim fuqaha of the past balanced against the 'rights' of a foetus to be born severely handicapped and defective? The High Council for Islamic Legal Opinions in Kuwait issued a declaration on 29 Sept 1984 which allows abortion to take place if continuation of the pregnancy would cause harm to the woman or if it is certain that the foetus will be born with severe deformation, or physical or mental deficiency, neither of which will be cured"
It is such a long topic to be discussed and think of. Anyhow let us proceed to answering a medical aspect of it and not leaving the "religio-etihical" issues behind. It is very important if we know something and decide whether or not it is in line with Islamic fiqh. That is why a medical proffesional must know Fiqh in depth and not just sitting on the fence or rather more seriously let the ignorance overrides the rights to know ......
"It is your responsibility and you have to be responsible for all your responses"
Annurfad
Paeds posting
090209
Thalassaemia, something which is not too new for us. Though it was not covered in details during my 1st and 2nd year, at least nothing to worry much because there is another chance for it....a MUST understand topic in your 4th year, including its management aspect from as tiny as doses for iron chelation.
It is not the genetic issue that concerns me most (it is to be worried in fact....) but it is about the ethical aspect behind the prevention technique which will be discussed further ...
Just a little bit freshy and juicy notes on thalassemia...
It stems out from the topic of anaemia, though can be from other branches too, but this is much easier i suppose.
Everyone knows anaemia is due to three major headings : failure to make red cells, increased loss and destruction of red cells.Haemolysis is part of destruction of red cells where it is further divided into immune and non-immune.Then another branches from non - immune which are congenital and acquired.Under congenital part, here goes haemoglobinopathies where thalassamia resides under this heading together with sickle cell.
Thalassaemia is defined as mutation of DNA coded for alpha and beta genes. So if beta thalassemia, there will be absence or reduced production of that (beta) gene....
See the outcomes: from "their" eyes....
Refer for further details in your notes and sites ok....
Something new which i read from my lec's notes is on Preimplantation Genetic Diagnosis ( PGD) that is the climax actually...all those folks' theories may be well reside in your mind already ...Let us know something new!
PGD: it is one of the methods in antenatal diagnosis of any disease ( about 500 diseases) So what is so eager-to- tell about this?
an-in vitro fertilisation when the embryo is about 5 days of age."an alternative within prenatal diagnosis services which avoids terminating affected on-going pregnancies"
Mr wiki has some answers: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Preimplantation_genetic_diagnosis
How Islam views this technique and to what extent does Islam allows this? When considering to balance out the evils, we opt for the less evil one...Allah did plan something for it becomes a cause of TEST which will determine our level of Taqwa,and if we change things which is somehow the real thing that Allah wanted it to be, would it be some curiosity behind it? Advancement in medicine and technology lead people to go astray? or this is what Allah wants as He mentioned that whatever given in Quran are for those who have the ability to think and create more. Al- Quran is a guided tool for HIS servant to live the life .
The Fiqh of Medicine: Responses in Islamic Jurisprudence to developments in Medical Sciences; the prevention and termination of pregnacy; page 217;
"if the condition of the foetus is so diseased as to cause unnecessary suffering to the foetus later when it is delivered and during its life, would that be an indication to terminate the pregnancy? . Islamic fiqh dealt with termination of pregnancy before 40 days and up to 120 day. What about the welfare or even the mere survival of other members of the family which was considered and accomodated by Muslim fuqaha of the past balanced against the 'rights' of a foetus to be born severely handicapped and defective? The High Council for Islamic Legal Opinions in Kuwait issued a declaration on 29 Sept 1984 which allows abortion to take place if continuation of the pregnancy would cause harm to the woman or if it is certain that the foetus will be born with severe deformation, or physical or mental deficiency, neither of which will be cured"
It is such a long topic to be discussed and think of. Anyhow let us proceed to answering a medical aspect of it and not leaving the "religio-etihical" issues behind. It is very important if we know something and decide whether or not it is in line with Islamic fiqh. That is why a medical proffesional must know Fiqh in depth and not just sitting on the fence or rather more seriously let the ignorance overrides the rights to know ......
"It is your responsibility and you have to be responsible for all your responses"
Annurfad
Paeds posting
090209
Saturday, 7 February 2009
Advice of the Prophet
Bismillah...
Companion of Prophet Muhammad , Khalid ibn El Waleed narrated the following:
A Bedouin came one day to the Prophet and said to him, "O, Messenger of God! I've come to ask you a few questions about the affairs of this life and the Hereafter. "
The Prophet responded "Ask what you wish."
* I'd like to be the most learned of men.
* Fear God, and you will be the most learned of men.
* I wish to be the richest man in the world.
* Be contented, and you will be the richest man in the world.
* I'd like to be the most just man.
* Desire for others what you desire for yourself, and you will be the most just of men.
* I want to be the best of men.
* Do good to others and you will be the best of men.
* I wish to be the most favored by God.
* Engage much in God's praise, and you will be most favored by Him.
* I'd like to complete my faith.
* If you have good manners you will complete your faith.
* I wish to be among those who do good.
* Adore God as if you see Him. If you don't see Him, Know that He sees you. In this way you will be among those who do good.
* I wish to be obedient to God.
* If you observe God's commands you will be obedient.
* I'd like to be free from all sins.
* Bathe yourself from impurity and you will be free from all sins.
* I'd like to be raised on the Day of Judgment in the light.
* Don't wrong yourself or any other creature, and you will be raised on the Day of Judgment in the light.
* I'd like God to bestow His mercy on me.
* If you have mercy on yourself and on others, God will grant you mercy on the Day of Judgment.
* I'd like my sins to be very few.
* If you seek the forgiveness of God as much as you can, your sins will be very few.
* I'd like to be the most honorable man.
* If you do not complain to any fellow creature, you will be the most honorable of men.
* I'd like to be the strongest of men.
* If you put your trust in God, you will be the strongest of men.
* I'd like to enlarge my provision.
* If you keep yourself pure, God will enlarge your provision.
* I'd like to be loved by God and His messenger.
* If you love what God and His messenger love, you will be among their beloved ones.
* I wish to be safe from God's wrath on the Day of Judgment.
* If you do not lose your temper with any of your fellow creatures, you will be safe from the wrath of God on the Day of Judgment.
* I'd like my prayers to be responded.
* If you avoid forbidden actions your prayers will be responded.
* I'd like God not to disgrace me on the Day of Judgment.
* If you guard your chastity, God will not disgrace you on the Day of Judgment.
* I'd like God to provide me with a protective covering on the Day of Judgment.
* Do not uncover your fellow peoples faults, and God will provide you with a covering protection on the Day of Judgment.
Imam El Mustaghfiri said: "I have never heard a tradition more comprehensive of the beauties of religion, and more beneficial than this hadith. It collects all the good things of Islam but not put to use." (Related by Imam Ibn Hambal)
Companion of Prophet Muhammad , Khalid ibn El Waleed narrated the following:
A Bedouin came one day to the Prophet and said to him, "O, Messenger of God! I've come to ask you a few questions about the affairs of this life and the Hereafter. "
The Prophet responded "Ask what you wish."
* I'd like to be the most learned of men.
* Fear God, and you will be the most learned of men.
* I wish to be the richest man in the world.
* Be contented, and you will be the richest man in the world.
* I'd like to be the most just man.
* Desire for others what you desire for yourself, and you will be the most just of men.
* I want to be the best of men.
* Do good to others and you will be the best of men.
* I wish to be the most favored by God.
* Engage much in God's praise, and you will be most favored by Him.
* I'd like to complete my faith.
* If you have good manners you will complete your faith.
* I wish to be among those who do good.
* Adore God as if you see Him. If you don't see Him, Know that He sees you. In this way you will be among those who do good.
* I wish to be obedient to God.
* If you observe God's commands you will be obedient.
* I'd like to be free from all sins.
* Bathe yourself from impurity and you will be free from all sins.
* I'd like to be raised on the Day of Judgment in the light.
* Don't wrong yourself or any other creature, and you will be raised on the Day of Judgment in the light.
* I'd like God to bestow His mercy on me.
* If you have mercy on yourself and on others, God will grant you mercy on the Day of Judgment.
* I'd like my sins to be very few.
* If you seek the forgiveness of God as much as you can, your sins will be very few.
* I'd like to be the most honorable man.
* If you do not complain to any fellow creature, you will be the most honorable of men.
* I'd like to be the strongest of men.
* If you put your trust in God, you will be the strongest of men.
* I'd like to enlarge my provision.
* If you keep yourself pure, God will enlarge your provision.
* I'd like to be loved by God and His messenger.
* If you love what God and His messenger love, you will be among their beloved ones.
* I wish to be safe from God's wrath on the Day of Judgment.
* If you do not lose your temper with any of your fellow creatures, you will be safe from the wrath of God on the Day of Judgment.
* I'd like my prayers to be responded.
* If you avoid forbidden actions your prayers will be responded.
* I'd like God not to disgrace me on the Day of Judgment.
* If you guard your chastity, God will not disgrace you on the Day of Judgment.
* I'd like God to provide me with a protective covering on the Day of Judgment.
* Do not uncover your fellow peoples faults, and God will provide you with a covering protection on the Day of Judgment.
* What will save me from sins?
* Tears, humility and illness.
* What are the best deeds in the eyes of God?
* Gentle manners, modesty and patience.
* What are the worst evils in the eyes of God?
* Hot temper and miserliness.
* What alleviates the wrath of God in this life and in the Hereafter?
* Concealed charity and kindness to relatives.
* What extinguishes hell's fires on the Day of Judgment?
* Patience in adversity and misfortunes.
* Tears, humility and illness.
* What are the best deeds in the eyes of God?
* Gentle manners, modesty and patience.
* What are the worst evils in the eyes of God?
* Hot temper and miserliness.
* What alleviates the wrath of God in this life and in the Hereafter?
* Concealed charity and kindness to relatives.
* What extinguishes hell's fires on the Day of Judgment?
* Patience in adversity and misfortunes.
Imam El Mustaghfiri said: "I have never heard a tradition more comprehensive of the beauties of religion, and more beneficial than this hadith. It collects all the good things of Islam but not put to use." (Related by Imam Ibn Hambal)
"O' Allah, save me, my parents, my family and all musleems from the Hellfire"
Saturday, 31 January 2009
selamat datang pada sebuah kehidupan baru.........
Bismillah...
Di sebalik kehangatan hawa pulau ini, saya kira masih bersisa ketenangan yang kadang kala sering dilupakan atau dibuat-buat lupa.
Pulau ini masih ada damainya, biarpun hati ini merintih tatkala melepaskan pandangan sepi pada berlalunya kelibat keluarga tersayang siang tadi.
Apapun realitinya Isnin ini bermulalah kehidupan baru kami semua , secara ringkasnya ranjau baru bakal ditemui, dihadapi dan di"tabahi". Tiada sesalan kerna telah kupilih jalan itu.
Berbunga hati dalam rintihan.. Semuanya kerana kanak- kanak itu. Siapa kanak- kanak itu? Kanak-kanak yang bakal menyambut kami semua sepanjang tempoh itu . Untung bagi kami , "posting paediatrics" memang menyenangkan hati, walaupun kerengsaan tetap ada.
Semoga semester baru berjalan dengan lancar....
Selamat bermujahadah buat kawan-kawan semua.
webnotes yang menarik :
Di sebalik kehangatan hawa pulau ini, saya kira masih bersisa ketenangan yang kadang kala sering dilupakan atau dibuat-buat lupa.
Pulau ini masih ada damainya, biarpun hati ini merintih tatkala melepaskan pandangan sepi pada berlalunya kelibat keluarga tersayang siang tadi.
Apapun realitinya Isnin ini bermulalah kehidupan baru kami semua , secara ringkasnya ranjau baru bakal ditemui, dihadapi dan di"tabahi". Tiada sesalan kerna telah kupilih jalan itu.
Berbunga hati dalam rintihan.. Semuanya kerana kanak- kanak itu. Siapa kanak- kanak itu? Kanak-kanak yang bakal menyambut kami semua sepanjang tempoh itu . Untung bagi kami , "posting paediatrics" memang menyenangkan hati, walaupun kerengsaan tetap ada.
Semoga semester baru berjalan dengan lancar....
Selamat bermujahadah buat kawan-kawan semua.
" tidaklah orang muslim ditimpa kesukaran dan keletihan. dukacita dan sedih ,penderitaan dan kemurungan , bahkan duri yang menusuknya sekali pun, melainkan ALLAH MENGAMPUNI DOSA-DOSANYA" ( HR al-bukhari dan Muslim)
webnotes yang menarik :
Monday, 19 January 2009
the law of understanding
Bismillah..
Alhamdulillah...things over but another series of similar events are inviting me.
I'm getting to know the "LAW" better after few weeks indulging in it, understanding the origin, application and its significance. Though only 0.0000001% or may be less learnt during those period, i simply can draw my own conclusion which only me knows that. "A little bit sad for being ignorant and not realising the truth that lies behind a lie"...Legal medicine is interesting, not only because of its sui generic thingy but also because YOU MUST know that. A blend of ethics and principles which may not make it taste like a real juice...Anyway, just want to share something gotten from one site which i think useful and very practical.. It is a real law , most important not a man made one!!!
read more from here:
http://www.thenutgraph.com/islam-beyond-hudud
hopefully one day, dreams come true!
Amin...
Alhamdulillah...things over but another series of similar events are inviting me.
I'm getting to know the "LAW" better after few weeks indulging in it, understanding the origin, application and its significance. Though only 0.0000001% or may be less learnt during those period, i simply can draw my own conclusion which only me knows that. "A little bit sad for being ignorant and not realising the truth that lies behind a lie"...Legal medicine is interesting, not only because of its sui generic thingy but also because YOU MUST know that. A blend of ethics and principles which may not make it taste like a real juice...Anyway, just want to share something gotten from one site which i think useful and very practical.. It is a real law , most important not a man made one!!!
read more from here:
http://www.thenutgraph.com/islam-beyond-hudud
hopefully one day, dreams come true!
Amin...
Monday, 12 January 2009
To whom it may concern.....
Preparing for the realities of marriage
(source: Islamicity Bulletin)
How ludicrous would it be for a person to hold a grand opening for a new business then leave for vacation the next day or go to a job interview without having read the job description? Equally absurd is the way many people get married each year without any knowledge of or preparation for the realities of marriage. Couples make elaborate wedding and honeymoon plans but none for a life together. Additionally, many are looking for spouses to marry without looking at their responsibilities in a marriage.
Based on fairy tales spun by the media and pop culture, young women dream of finding their Prince Charming and living happily ever after. We think that once we are married, everything will just sort itself out. Some of us think that marriage is a solution or an escape or that our spouses will "complete us." Compounding this are values of mainstream society and their effect on the psyche of adolescents. Years of struggling with issues of dating and pre-marital sex in school as well as constant bombardment through films and television of unrealistic images of what love, sex and marriage are have affected our outlook on marriage and the opposite sex. So, when the time comes to get married, we often carry unrealistic expectations of what being married will be like and how our spouses will be.
Many young Muslims are not prepared for marriage and have not cultivated the skills to create a lasting relationship. While the general American population has the world's highest divorce rate, 48.6 percent, Muslims in the United States come in not too far behind at 33 percent. One in three Muslims marriage here will end in divorce- not surprising considering we are living in a "divorce culture" where independence and individual happiness often come first. When the marriage does not fulfill the individual's needs, the marriage is questioned. Terms such as "starter marriage" are becoming more common in the Muslim community as divorces among newlywed couples, after only months of being married, increase. Furthermore, couples in multicultural marriages are experiencing complex issues because of their background differences and often find little support from their families and communities because of certain cultural ideas about marriage. These couples often become resigned to ending the marriage. Newlyweds sometimes don't readily acknowledge that they must work on the marriage for it to survive. Many divorce when marriage is not whhat they expected or harder than they imagined. Divorce is now considered a plausible option among young Muslims, unlike the generation before them. Now, more than ever, we should prepare ourselves and our children for the realities of marriage. Preparing for marriage is as important as having an accurate road map before driving cross country.
Preparing for marriage is more than searching for a spouse; it begins with discovering who you are as a person.
Undergo Self-Reflection
Preparing for marriage is more than searching for a spouse; it begins with discovering who you are as a person and what you will bring to a marriage. Identify what innate beliefs you hold because these are the things that are least likely to change about you. Your values and beliefs are your compass in life and will determine your lifestyle and the choices you make. Understanding what is important to you clarifies the type of person with whom you will be compatible. Reflection is a process of self-growth that can be difficult, but it shows maturity and a true understanding of the intensity of marriage. Ask yourself these questions: "What is my personal set of life values?" "What are my fears?" "What are my strengths?" "What are my weaknesses?" Identifying your flaws is equally important because it provides you with personal goals for self-improvement. It will also provide your future spouse insight into your weaknesses, as well as the things that may never change about you.
Establish Compatibility
Before you can determine the type of person you are compatible with, you first need to understand what compatibility is. It doesn't mean you will be exactly like your spouse, but rather, that you share many similarities and hold mutual respect for your differences, It is important to find someone who shares your core values and beliefs and whose long-term goals correspond with yours. Having complementary values and goals helps married couples grow closer to Allah because they will constantly strive in the same direction and have fewer disagreements in their marriage. True and realistic love will be found in the everydayness of marriage when sharing common interests and doing interesting things together. But, be careful if you find yourself making excuses for incompatibility or you start believing that the other person will change once you're married. People rarely change. Qualities in a potential spouse that do not align with your core values and beliefs are red flags because that person is about as unlikely to change as you are. When making a decision about an element of incompatibility, ask yourself; "Can I maintain my beliefs while married to this person even if he/she doesn't change?" Acknowledge that you simply can't control your spouse's way of being. Being able to maintain mutual respect for your differences will likely prevent many tensions in the marriage.
Understand You- Expectations Ascertain the expectations you hold for marriage. Many couples enter a marriage with unspoken and usually unconscious expectations of what their spouse is going to provide and fulfill. Honestly examining your expectations of marriage and your potential spouse is a necessary step in preventing disappointment. Ask yourself, "What do I think marriage will be like?" "Who and what have influenced these expectations?"
"What is my parents' relationship like?" "How does this play a role in what I expect in my marriage?" "What does the term 'husband' mean to me?" The answers to these types of questions will help spotlight your expectations about marriage and the basis for those expectations. Understanding your expectations and assessing how realistic they are is a vital step toward helping you enter into marriage with open eyes.
Communicate
Everybody should acquire two critical skills before getting married:
Communication and conflict resolution. These are essential to making a marriage successful. You and your potential spouse will begin to understand how you each communicate as you get to know one another. Not communicating and misinterpreting communication will cause numerous problems in a marriage. This is the time to ask yourself; "Am I good at communicating my feelings and thoughts?" "How do I resolve a conflict: do I ignore it, solve it?" "Am I a good listener?" Understanding your approach and identifying your weaknesses are valuable because marriage carries the responsibility to communicate your needs and frustrations with your spouse. It is equally important to understand your spouse's communication style and conflict resolution skills and how compatible they are to yours. Ultimately, the effort you and your spouse put in this area will form the backbone of your marriage.
Entering into a marriage is a time to grow as an individual and to grow interdependently with a spouse. Having the courage to discover your expectations and weaknesses and taking responsibility for the direction of your marriage requires a mature approach. To grow spiritually in your marriage requires that you learn to be less selfish and more loving, even during times of conflict. Move beyond the fantasy and unrealisttic expectations and realize that marriage is about making a conscious choice to love and care for your spouse-even when you do not feel like it. A marriage needs love, support, tolerance, honesty, respect, humility, realistic expectations and a sense of humor to be successful.
These values will help a marriage survive conflict, disappointment and problems. Marriage is a beautiful relationship that Muslims should enter with an understanding of all of its dimensions. If Prophet Muhammad reminds us that marriage is "half our faith," then how can we as Muslims go into something this central with a lack of preparation and understanding? We can only be good spouses once we understand what it means to be married and mentally prepare ourselves for the amazing journey.
Munira Lekovic Ezzeldine is the author of Before the Wedding: 150 Questions for Muslims to Ask before Getting Married. Munira has also written two Islamic Studies textbooks for the Bureau of Islamic and Arabic Education. She received her undergraduate degree from UCLA and is currently pursuing her master's degree in Marriage and Family Counseling at California State University, Fullerton. For the last eight years, Munira has worked with youth groups, teaching classes and mentoring. Her extensive speaking on the topics of marriage and gender equity coupled with her experience of being raised as a Muslim in the United States gives her the ability to connect with the young Muslim generation. Munira is happily married and has two children.
to my sis: cant wait for ur walimah....
to myself: be prepared...
(source: Islamicity Bulletin)
How ludicrous would it be for a person to hold a grand opening for a new business then leave for vacation the next day or go to a job interview without having read the job description? Equally absurd is the way many people get married each year without any knowledge of or preparation for the realities of marriage. Couples make elaborate wedding and honeymoon plans but none for a life together. Additionally, many are looking for spouses to marry without looking at their responsibilities in a marriage.
Based on fairy tales spun by the media and pop culture, young women dream of finding their Prince Charming and living happily ever after. We think that once we are married, everything will just sort itself out. Some of us think that marriage is a solution or an escape or that our spouses will "complete us." Compounding this are values of mainstream society and their effect on the psyche of adolescents. Years of struggling with issues of dating and pre-marital sex in school as well as constant bombardment through films and television of unrealistic images of what love, sex and marriage are have affected our outlook on marriage and the opposite sex. So, when the time comes to get married, we often carry unrealistic expectations of what being married will be like and how our spouses will be.
Many young Muslims are not prepared for marriage and have not cultivated the skills to create a lasting relationship. While the general American population has the world's highest divorce rate, 48.6 percent, Muslims in the United States come in not too far behind at 33 percent. One in three Muslims marriage here will end in divorce- not surprising considering we are living in a "divorce culture" where independence and individual happiness often come first. When the marriage does not fulfill the individual's needs, the marriage is questioned. Terms such as "starter marriage" are becoming more common in the Muslim community as divorces among newlywed couples, after only months of being married, increase. Furthermore, couples in multicultural marriages are experiencing complex issues because of their background differences and often find little support from their families and communities because of certain cultural ideas about marriage. These couples often become resigned to ending the marriage. Newlyweds sometimes don't readily acknowledge that they must work on the marriage for it to survive. Many divorce when marriage is not whhat they expected or harder than they imagined. Divorce is now considered a plausible option among young Muslims, unlike the generation before them. Now, more than ever, we should prepare ourselves and our children for the realities of marriage. Preparing for marriage is as important as having an accurate road map before driving cross country.
Preparing for marriage is more than searching for a spouse; it begins with discovering who you are as a person.
Undergo Self-Reflection
Preparing for marriage is more than searching for a spouse; it begins with discovering who you are as a person and what you will bring to a marriage. Identify what innate beliefs you hold because these are the things that are least likely to change about you. Your values and beliefs are your compass in life and will determine your lifestyle and the choices you make. Understanding what is important to you clarifies the type of person with whom you will be compatible. Reflection is a process of self-growth that can be difficult, but it shows maturity and a true understanding of the intensity of marriage. Ask yourself these questions: "What is my personal set of life values?" "What are my fears?" "What are my strengths?" "What are my weaknesses?" Identifying your flaws is equally important because it provides you with personal goals for self-improvement. It will also provide your future spouse insight into your weaknesses, as well as the things that may never change about you.
Establish Compatibility
Before you can determine the type of person you are compatible with, you first need to understand what compatibility is. It doesn't mean you will be exactly like your spouse, but rather, that you share many similarities and hold mutual respect for your differences, It is important to find someone who shares your core values and beliefs and whose long-term goals correspond with yours. Having complementary values and goals helps married couples grow closer to Allah because they will constantly strive in the same direction and have fewer disagreements in their marriage. True and realistic love will be found in the everydayness of marriage when sharing common interests and doing interesting things together. But, be careful if you find yourself making excuses for incompatibility or you start believing that the other person will change once you're married. People rarely change. Qualities in a potential spouse that do not align with your core values and beliefs are red flags because that person is about as unlikely to change as you are. When making a decision about an element of incompatibility, ask yourself; "Can I maintain my beliefs while married to this person even if he/she doesn't change?" Acknowledge that you simply can't control your spouse's way of being. Being able to maintain mutual respect for your differences will likely prevent many tensions in the marriage.
Understand You- Expectations Ascertain the expectations you hold for marriage. Many couples enter a marriage with unspoken and usually unconscious expectations of what their spouse is going to provide and fulfill. Honestly examining your expectations of marriage and your potential spouse is a necessary step in preventing disappointment. Ask yourself, "What do I think marriage will be like?" "Who and what have influenced these expectations?"
"What is my parents' relationship like?" "How does this play a role in what I expect in my marriage?" "What does the term 'husband' mean to me?" The answers to these types of questions will help spotlight your expectations about marriage and the basis for those expectations. Understanding your expectations and assessing how realistic they are is a vital step toward helping you enter into marriage with open eyes.
Communicate
Everybody should acquire two critical skills before getting married:
Communication and conflict resolution. These are essential to making a marriage successful. You and your potential spouse will begin to understand how you each communicate as you get to know one another. Not communicating and misinterpreting communication will cause numerous problems in a marriage. This is the time to ask yourself; "Am I good at communicating my feelings and thoughts?" "How do I resolve a conflict: do I ignore it, solve it?" "Am I a good listener?" Understanding your approach and identifying your weaknesses are valuable because marriage carries the responsibility to communicate your needs and frustrations with your spouse. It is equally important to understand your spouse's communication style and conflict resolution skills and how compatible they are to yours. Ultimately, the effort you and your spouse put in this area will form the backbone of your marriage.
Entering into a marriage is a time to grow as an individual and to grow interdependently with a spouse. Having the courage to discover your expectations and weaknesses and taking responsibility for the direction of your marriage requires a mature approach. To grow spiritually in your marriage requires that you learn to be less selfish and more loving, even during times of conflict. Move beyond the fantasy and unrealisttic expectations and realize that marriage is about making a conscious choice to love and care for your spouse-even when you do not feel like it. A marriage needs love, support, tolerance, honesty, respect, humility, realistic expectations and a sense of humor to be successful.
These values will help a marriage survive conflict, disappointment and problems. Marriage is a beautiful relationship that Muslims should enter with an understanding of all of its dimensions. If Prophet Muhammad reminds us that marriage is "half our faith," then how can we as Muslims go into something this central with a lack of preparation and understanding? We can only be good spouses once we understand what it means to be married and mentally prepare ourselves for the amazing journey.
Munira Lekovic Ezzeldine is the author of Before the Wedding: 150 Questions for Muslims to Ask before Getting Married. Munira has also written two Islamic Studies textbooks for the Bureau of Islamic and Arabic Education. She received her undergraduate degree from UCLA and is currently pursuing her master's degree in Marriage and Family Counseling at California State University, Fullerton. For the last eight years, Munira has worked with youth groups, teaching classes and mentoring. Her extensive speaking on the topics of marriage and gender equity coupled with her experience of being raised as a Muslim in the United States gives her the ability to connect with the young Muslim generation. Munira is happily married and has two children.
to my sis: cant wait for ur walimah....
to myself: be prepared...
Tuesday, 6 January 2009
Hidup ini sepi?
Bismillah..
Salam tahun baru Islam 1430H dan tahun baru Masihi 2009..
Sewajarnya dengan pertambahan angka pada tahun, maka azam baru pun dinukilkan dengan harapan bakal dilaksana, beserta lirikan pada azam tahun lalu degan persoalan dibenak," terlaksanakan sudah?"
1429H atau 2008 bukan benda yang sama, hakikatnya ia dilihat sama oleh pandangan mata yang tidak menafsirkan dengan hati. Namun tahun lalu meninggalkan diri ini dengan seribu satu kenangan pahit dan manis. Kenapa pahit dahulu? Bukan manis yang meneutralkan keadaan. Bolehkan manisan meneutralkan kepahitan? Jawapan ada pada anda.
Masa lalu bukan untuk dikenang! Tidak benar kenyataan itu.Masa lalu adalah kenangan yang harus dikenang sebagai pengajar terbaik dalam kehidupan, sebagai pendorong untuk lebih ke hadapan. Saya lihat matahari terbit, saya yakin ada ruang untuk ditempati! Ya itulah yang betul. Berfikir secara optimis dan meletakkan sepenuh keyakinan dan harapan pada Al-Khaliq. Tidak wajar menyalahkan Pencipta tatkala ujian kehidupan adalah nilaian pada nilai syukur dan tabah dalam diri. Tidak benar sama sekali menyesali diri andai "ter"alpa tatkala 1001 nikmat yang tidak disedari kurang pantas disyukuri. Jika anda pernah terfikir sebegitu, sedarlah anda, anda bukan berseorangan. Kenang kembali Sirah Nabawiyyah bagaimana Nabi Nuh putus asa dengan ummat baginda lantaran selama 950 tahun, ragu ummat baginda masih ada?
"Sesungguhnya tidak akan seorang drp kaumnya mengikutimu dan beriman kecuali mereka yang telah mengikutimu dan beriman lebih dahulu, maka jgnlah engkau bersedih hati karena apa yang mereka perbuatkan."
Dengan penegasan firman Allah itu, lenyaplah sisa harapan Nabi Nuh dari kaumnya dan habislah kesabarannya. Ia memohon kepada Allah agar menurunkan Azab-Nya di atas kaumnya yang berkepala batu seraya berseru:"Ya Allah! Jgnlah Engkau biarkan seorang pun drp orang-orang kafir itu hidup dan tinggal di atas bumi ini. Mareka akan berusaha menyesatkan hamba-hamba-Mu, jika Engkau biarkan mereka tinggal dan mereka tidak akan melahirkan dan menurunkan selain anak-anak yang berbuat maksiat dan anak-anak yang kafir spt.mereka."
Lihatlah sahabat, apakah solusi Nabi Nuh selepas itu? Baginda membina kapal bukan? kerana apa? kerana perintah Allah swt.
Itu satu contoh, beribu-ribu contoh lagi yang patinya adalah iktibar berguna buat saya dan anda. Maka janganlah putus asa dengan rahmat Allah.
Saya bukanlah orang baik, jauh sekali orang terbaik untuk meletakkan ukuran pada diri.
Banyaknya kuntuman bunga di jalanan, tapi awas durinya menyukarkan anda untuk memetiknnya. Tingginya gunung dilingkari awan biru, gamitan diri untuk mendaki. Tapi awas perjalanan tidak rata sebagaimana anda fikirkan. Begitulah sahabat, jalan hidup sukar sekali pada individu yang merasainya.
Nikmat sebenar lahir pada ketinggian syukur. Usah dikhuatiri pada esok yang belum pasti, kerana janjiNya sentiasa benar.
Lebihkan usaha anda sebagaimana anda lihat saya berusaha. Hebatnya kuasa Allah, anda meletakkan diri anda di bawah, tapi Allah menjadikan hati-hati orang lain memandang anda seakan-akan anda di atas. Pandangan individu sedemikian pada saya dan pada anda, saya kira adalah pandangan telus. lahir dari dasar hati mereka. Bukan dibuat-buat tapi ikhlasnya mereka hanya Allah yang tahu.
Kalam ternokhtah, ucapan jazakallah buat sahabat anda dan saya yang masih menilai diri saya dan anda dengan nilaian baik. Moga nilaian mereka tidak membekas kotor pada dasar hati saya dan anda dengan mazmumah yang saya tidak pernah jemput. Anda pun begitu.........................
Salam tahun baru Islam 1430H dan tahun baru Masihi 2009..
Sewajarnya dengan pertambahan angka pada tahun, maka azam baru pun dinukilkan dengan harapan bakal dilaksana, beserta lirikan pada azam tahun lalu degan persoalan dibenak," terlaksanakan sudah?"
1429H atau 2008 bukan benda yang sama, hakikatnya ia dilihat sama oleh pandangan mata yang tidak menafsirkan dengan hati. Namun tahun lalu meninggalkan diri ini dengan seribu satu kenangan pahit dan manis. Kenapa pahit dahulu? Bukan manis yang meneutralkan keadaan. Bolehkan manisan meneutralkan kepahitan? Jawapan ada pada anda.
Masa lalu bukan untuk dikenang! Tidak benar kenyataan itu.Masa lalu adalah kenangan yang harus dikenang sebagai pengajar terbaik dalam kehidupan, sebagai pendorong untuk lebih ke hadapan. Saya lihat matahari terbit, saya yakin ada ruang untuk ditempati! Ya itulah yang betul. Berfikir secara optimis dan meletakkan sepenuh keyakinan dan harapan pada Al-Khaliq. Tidak wajar menyalahkan Pencipta tatkala ujian kehidupan adalah nilaian pada nilai syukur dan tabah dalam diri. Tidak benar sama sekali menyesali diri andai "ter"alpa tatkala 1001 nikmat yang tidak disedari kurang pantas disyukuri. Jika anda pernah terfikir sebegitu, sedarlah anda, anda bukan berseorangan. Kenang kembali Sirah Nabawiyyah bagaimana Nabi Nuh putus asa dengan ummat baginda lantaran selama 950 tahun, ragu ummat baginda masih ada?
"Sesungguhnya tidak akan seorang drp kaumnya mengikutimu dan beriman kecuali mereka yang telah mengikutimu dan beriman lebih dahulu, maka jgnlah engkau bersedih hati karena apa yang mereka perbuatkan."
Dengan penegasan firman Allah itu, lenyaplah sisa harapan Nabi Nuh dari kaumnya dan habislah kesabarannya. Ia memohon kepada Allah agar menurunkan Azab-Nya di atas kaumnya yang berkepala batu seraya berseru:"Ya Allah! Jgnlah Engkau biarkan seorang pun drp orang-orang kafir itu hidup dan tinggal di atas bumi ini. Mareka akan berusaha menyesatkan hamba-hamba-Mu, jika Engkau biarkan mereka tinggal dan mereka tidak akan melahirkan dan menurunkan selain anak-anak yang berbuat maksiat dan anak-anak yang kafir spt.mereka."
Lihatlah sahabat, apakah solusi Nabi Nuh selepas itu? Baginda membina kapal bukan? kerana apa? kerana perintah Allah swt.
Itu satu contoh, beribu-ribu contoh lagi yang patinya adalah iktibar berguna buat saya dan anda. Maka janganlah putus asa dengan rahmat Allah.
Saya bukanlah orang baik, jauh sekali orang terbaik untuk meletakkan ukuran pada diri.
Banyaknya kuntuman bunga di jalanan, tapi awas durinya menyukarkan anda untuk memetiknnya. Tingginya gunung dilingkari awan biru, gamitan diri untuk mendaki. Tapi awas perjalanan tidak rata sebagaimana anda fikirkan. Begitulah sahabat, jalan hidup sukar sekali pada individu yang merasainya.
Nikmat sebenar lahir pada ketinggian syukur. Usah dikhuatiri pada esok yang belum pasti, kerana janjiNya sentiasa benar.
Lebihkan usaha anda sebagaimana anda lihat saya berusaha. Hebatnya kuasa Allah, anda meletakkan diri anda di bawah, tapi Allah menjadikan hati-hati orang lain memandang anda seakan-akan anda di atas. Pandangan individu sedemikian pada saya dan pada anda, saya kira adalah pandangan telus. lahir dari dasar hati mereka. Bukan dibuat-buat tapi ikhlasnya mereka hanya Allah yang tahu.
Kalam ternokhtah, ucapan jazakallah buat sahabat anda dan saya yang masih menilai diri saya dan anda dengan nilaian baik. Moga nilaian mereka tidak membekas kotor pada dasar hati saya dan anda dengan mazmumah yang saya tidak pernah jemput. Anda pun begitu.........................
Kita pernah bersama,
Menempuh onak dan duka ,
Tidak pernah putus asa,
Walau dugaan datang melanda.
Dikau pernah bertanya,
Bila bahagia akan tiba,
Ku berkata bersabarlah,
Serahkan saja pada yang ESA.
Bila masanya menjelma,
Kejayaan akan tiba,
Namun tidak mungkin ku lupa,
Kenangan indah kita bersama.
Menempuh onak cabaran,
Dan liku hidup yang panjang,
Tidak mungkin hidup ini sepi,
Selagi ku masih di sini.
Kini terungkai sudah,
Kisah hidup kita ,
Berbekal taat dan sabar,
Pastikan berjaya.
Devotees- Bersama-
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